wild thing. i think i love you.

You know how you become an expert at something once you practice, practice, practice?  You do the act over and over again until it becomes a part of you.  I am quite sure now that Nicholas is an expert twirly slide slider.  Today we made an afternoon visit to the "fish" park, as my boys call it.  Tyler requested, I obliged.  And off we went.

There was a slight chill lingering in the air but it was an all around beautiful late afternoon.  The sun, heavy in the sky, was waiting to sink behind the horizon.  The wind kicked up dried leaves, carrying them up, up and away.  Tyler and Benny were off in the not too far distance, playing kickball with neighborhood friends.  And I, I was Nic's sidekick on the twirly slide.  He commanded and I followed.

It was a simple afternoon, that followed an exhausting morning, making the day bearable once again, enjoyable even.  These days are numbered.  I know it.  My brain knows it but my heart feels it.  The lingering innocence of youth will one day melt away into the angst of the teenage years and I will be left wondering where the time so swiftly went.  The act of growing up and growing old is bittersweet.  I so love to watch my boys evolve into each new stage of boyhood.  It is a wondrous sight to see their confidence grow as they take flight, albeit still shaky, and spread their wings to the sky.  Fortunately for me, they soar back home, ready for a hug and a snuggle.  I am not yet ready to let go, to watch the pudginess of youth fade away into lean, strong bodies.  I want the little to stay for a while more.

Will I become an expert mother?  My darkest fear is that I am never enough.  But I know deep down, that when I give my all, He will give the rest.  My Savior will pick up what I can not carry.  He will heal the hurt, invisible to the eye, but felt so deeply in the heart.  Will I choose to count each blessing I have been bestowed or will I look around feeling forsaken for all that I do not possess?  My blessings are many.  I choose the first.