some days.

There are days where I am head over heels in love with home school.  My boys interact so sweetly, the lessons flow and Nicholas takes a three hour nap.  Then there are days when two of the three boys wake before 6, I don't get a shower, bickering occurs from the moment we all schlep downstairs and no one wants to do school.  It's a toss of the coin really.  Each day unfolds, completely different than the day before.  All I can do is pray for patience and love to flow from me, which I seem to be in short supply of on some days.  Patience.  Not love.

We started a new history and science curriculum this month.  I alternate days, never wanting to pile on too much school.  I want them excited to learn and thirsty for knowledge.  I won't lie, I'm not always thrilled to teach.  Every day.  Another craft project.  Another clean up.  Sometimes, I just want to kick my heels up and be footloose and fancy free.  But I push through the rough days, knowing that, for at least right now, this is right for us.

2012 has flown by so amazingly fast that I barley had time to catch my breath.  Nicholas is two and is in full blown toddler mode.  Talking up a storm, having a mind of his own and practicing his temper tantrums.  He is a yummy, loveable, tiny little toddler and he squeezes my heart each and every day.  That boy has done my soul good by joining my all boy family.

Benny is burning off some energy at gymnastics once a week, which he seems to enjoy.  He loves to tumble across the living room.  Jump on this.  Flip off that.  He is constantly moving and taking me along for the ride.

Tyler will pick back up with break dancing after the new year.  He went to a free trial class and liked it immediately.  He keeps asking when he can go back.  Tyler's got good rhythm, which I like to think he gets from his mama.

Nicholas loves to be outside.  He loves to be at one with nature and zoom down the sidewalk on his scooter.  He is a ball of energy and loves to give hugs and kisses.  Just between us, I'm his favorite.  But can you blame him?

every single day I choose.

I've come to the almost certain conclusion that schooling these boys of mine uses up every ounce of energy, patience and good will I can muster.  This busyness of three energetic boys, creating a constant string of shenanigans all day long is both entertaining and crazy inducing.  But I love it.  It really is that simple.  I make a choice each and every day.

I choose to sacrifice some things to gain something else, something else of far greater worth than even I can understand at this moment.  I can feel it taking place but I don't always see it behind the bickering and tiredness.  The thought of more free time is tantalizing and seductive but ultimately unattainable.  But you see, the choice is mine.

Today a dear friend watched my three boys.  She sacrificed her "kid free" time to take on my three, while a dined with another sweet friend over pancakes and bacon.  It was two glorious hours of freedom.  Freedom from grabby hands, car seat snaps and sippy cups and it was rejuvenating.  Like a big deep breath in the crisp fall air is rejuvenating.  Only better!  It is those small tender mercies that bolster me up.  For I came home to two giggly, wiggly boys who wanted no part in why caribou lose their antlers.  But somehow we eked out enough school to feel legit.

And now I am counting down the days until we will board a plane for California.  We will be Disney bound in just ONE week and the excitement is bubbling up and boiling over!

i think i can, i think i can.

Most mornings as I drag my (still) tired body from my cocoon of warm blankets, I mentally tell myself, let's just take a day off school.  Just today.  Obviously that wouldn't work, considering I mutter those words to myself every day.  I don't think straight first thing.  I am not a bright and early, cheery type of person.  I never have been, just ask Matthew.  But once the day rolls on, I get a pep in my step and feel almost ready to take on the craziness.

This week went by rather quickly with Friday bringing up the rear in a dreadfully slow way.  Once the afternoon hit, it felt like the evening would never arrive.  Matthew worked all last weekend and has been clocking the hours like a madman.  I suppose that's how it goes when you run your own company.  Hopefully one day The Real Alliance will explode with success and my sweet husband can actually find a hobby, other than slaving away.  That man of mine, he is a hard worker.  There is no rest for the weary and right now, I feel weary.

Every night I tell myself I will crawl in bed by 10 and snooze until my alarm starts babbling at 6:30 (thanks Nic).  But it rarely happens.  I am with three energectic, bouncing off the walls, mom I want this, boys.  BOYS!  The only free, quiet, peaceful moments I can steal during the day are at night.  When the last of my boys are tucked away into dreamland I do a little happy jig.  Don't get me wrong.  I love them.  I love them deep within the most vulnerable parts of my soul but I also love them asleep.

When I post pictures of what we are learning in school or the fun craft projects we are in the middle of creating, those are just snippets of the day.  Most of the time I am trying to corral two boys who would rather continue their imaginative game of "work", than sit down and talk about place value.  We mostly do school during Nicholas' nap.  But so much other learning takes place during the odd hours of the day.  One day I pretended to be a server to take their order (to try and get the bickering to cease).  They lapped the fun of it up and even begged to write down their own order and give it to me. 

There are these special moments I witness during this home school adventure, that confirm in my heart, this is what we are suppose to be doing.  As hard as some days are, I feel wrapped in a cloak of blessings that warm my soul.  I am filled with the hope that I am doing my all to give these boys of mine the best of the best.  I fall short.  every. single day.  But I don't give up trying.  I learn far more than I impart and I know one day, one day these hectic, long and tiring days will be some of my fondest memories.  And oh how I hope that my boys feel it too.  Feel this specialness we are creating.  Because we are.  We are creating something magical.

is it fall yet?

We tried to summon fall this morning by baking up a couple loaves of pumpkin bread.  I am afraid it didn't work but I'm not giving up quite yet!

I think we are all a little anxious to get this home school show on the road.  Tyler asked if we could begin the other day.  Ummm, mama is not ready.  Not yet at least.  I am in the middle of planning out the first week of studies and lots of fun is (hopefully) in store.

One day I am full of excitement, the next I want to banish my boys to their room the entire day while I question my sanity.  All three boys.  Home.  All the time.  A scary equation that could turn out to be really good or extremely terrible.

Tyler coerced me to take a bike ride to the park this afternoon.  We went last night and so of course, we needed to go again, this time to the park.  It was hot but a nice breeze was blowing and so made the trek bearable.

We are all ready for fall.  Cooler temps.  Crisp mornings.  Crunchy leaves.  Slippers around the house.  Yes.  That's the season of my choice.  I'm ready.

the long and short of it.

image taken by Auburn Soul

Motherhood is completely exhausting and awesomely rewarding.  It is difficult to explain the swell in my heart as I kiss the perfect, soft cheeks of my three boys.  Blissful content.

And then in the morning, they will arise, and with it will come the wrestling, bickering, needing, crying, dancing, giggles of energetic little beings.

I still have doubts as I continue down the road leading to schooling my boys at home.  Whether I choose to do that or send them off to public school, these are heavy decisions.  Do I have enough?  Do I have what it takes?  Yes.  Yes, I believe so.  But the uncertainty is hard.  I like neat.  tidy.  planned.  And life does not quite live up to that.  It is sometimes messy.  hard.  spontaneous. 

The first step in "operation transform the learning studio", was to organize the Legos into a nice play station under the stairs.  I needed a corner, tucked away from toddler hands, but still easily accessible to the older boys.  When we first moved into this house, they were delighted at the idea of sleeping under the stairs like Harry Potter.  The second best thing, a play area.

In June I plan on visiting a homeschool co-op close by and crossing my fingers it will be a good fit for what I am looking for.  I will also be looking into our local YMCA and possibly letting the boys choose a sport to participate in this fall. 

Baby steps.  It is all really just a bunch of steps towards one direction.  As long as I know where I am going, I'll get there. 

As I type this, I see the moon through my window.  It is there.  A promise of another day.  Realizing all too quickly this time will pass by.  My babies will be grown and it will be their turn to make decisions.  Their turn for their hearts to swell.  Family.  It's a beautiful thing.  I'm lucky to experience it.

p.s.  I have started "pinning" ideas for homeschool subjects and themes.  I quickly borrowed this idea from Summer, the brilliant lady behind Fawn & Forest.  She's been my go-to lady!

he has a part of me.

My heart lurches each time we part ways in the morning.  I want to bottle up his innocence before it completely evaporates.  Before the world tries to paint its colors on his sweet spirit.  Before temptation becomes too great.

His kisses are sweet.
His hugs so tender.
And he has sun kisses just like his mama.

...

We have decided to sit down with the boys mid-June and discuss homeschooling with them.  Help them wrap there minds about what that really means.  And cross our fingers that they will be excited to dip their toes in this new adventure too.

and so it begins.

The researching has continued as I dive a little bit deeper in the thoughts of homeschooling.  I'd like to say that we are 100% committed but until we sit down with our boys and discuss schooling at home, it's not written in stone.  Matthew also made me promise to research homeschooling groups in the area.  He has concerns about socialization and it is my duty to put those to rest.

The hardest part of the researching is over, we have decided on the curriculum we will use for each of the boys for language arts and math.  I have chosen not to use anything formal for history and science.  Instead, we will pull our ideas together and choose a topic each month to focus on.  I want the boys to be as much a part of the process as they can be.

I've already decided that we will have a four day school week, leaving Fridays open and available for field trips and fun!  I've mapped out that school will take place in the morning for two hours and in the afternoon for an hour or two, so a total of 3-4.

The office downstairs (which currently houses "big boy" toys) will be magically transformed into a learning studio.  Well, probably not magically, since I don't have ownership of a wand, but one can daydream.  Ideas are brewing, slowly, but they are taking shape.  I sat down with Matt the other night to talk about moola and how much it will take to budget for supplies, furniture and curriculum.  Ready?  $1200.  Ugh.  I already have a third of it saved and so we will be pinching many pennies to come up with the rest.  In the meantime, excitement has already started blooming, slowly pushing out doubt and intimidation.

A new chapter is about to begin.

LA program : Sonlight
Spelling for Tyler : Sequential Spelling
Math for Benny : RightStart Math
Math for Tyler : Life of Fred

P.S. We gave each of our sons a learning/personality test through KOLBE and that is how I approached picking a curriculum for each.

the winds of change.

When the crazy, chaotic, stormy moments of motherhood sneak upon me, I close my eyes.  I dream of an empty road, open fields and a soft breeze whispering of peace.  I know so much that when my boys are men and grown, I will miss this time.  I will long for the days when they were small enough to curl their little bodies on my lap and let me kiss away the hurt and tears.  I will yearn for the moments of secret exchange as we cuddled under the covers. 

The days are long but the years are short.

My brain goes back and forth as I struggle with the decision to homeschool but my heart, my heart knows what it wants.  What it needs.  I worry about the change in the dynamics of our family, the lifestyle change that will occur, how I will achieve this idea that I have building in my mind and yet, be okay when it doesn't all come together just so.  Because, well, that's life.  It doesn't always quite play out the way we envisioned and I need to be okay with that. 

There is never an end to this learning thing.  The growing and the stretching.  Is there?